CORRESPONDENCE & ENQUIRIES

The Essex Business Machines Customer Support Team is standing by, ready to receive your enquiry. Our 300-strong team of pinstripe suit-wearing technical operatives operate from our Basildon head office, seven days a week, fifty-two weeks a year, with the exception of bank holidays, the second Tuesday of every month, and the entirety of August.

Average response time is 6 to 8 weeks, depending on the postal service.

BY ELECTRONIC MAIL

Click the button below to copy the EBM Customer Support email address to your clipboard. Then paste it into your favourite electronic mail program and write us a letter.

COPY EMAIL ADDRESS

If you experience a crash, please attach the most recent debug_*.txt file from your S800 folder. This file is invaluable to our crack team of crash investigators, all of whom hold at least one O-level in Mathematics.

BY TELEGRAM

Western Union, Basildon 4471. Please address all telegrams to MARGARET (ACCOUNTS). Margaret has been with EBM since 1968 and prefers correspondence in block capitals.

BY TELEPHONE

+44 (0)1268 47— (line down since 1991, engineer dispatched)

IN PERSON

Visitors are welcome at our head office between the hours of 9.15am and 9.45am, Monday to Wednesday inclusive. Please report to Reception on the ground floor and ask for Doreen. A clip-on visitor badge will be issued. Photography is not permitted in the boardroom, the cafeteria, or the third-floor stationery cupboard.

HEAD OFFICE

EBM Tower, Basildon. Photographed shortly after the Great Carpet Tile Refit of 1981.

THE BOARDROOM

The boardroom, 1979. The famous decision to combine a text editor with a spreadsheet was famously voted down 11-1. The dissenting vote went on to become the S/800.

THE CUSTOMER SUPPORT TEAM

The EBM Customer Support Team, 1982. Pictured: Brian, Geoffrey, Pamela, Norman, and another Brian. Sock suspenders compulsory.

RESEARCH & DEVELOPMENT

The Special Projects Division, 1980. Of the 47 engineers pictured, 12 went on to design the S/800. The other 35 were reassigned to the photocopier maintenance team.

A NOTE FROM THE MANAGEMENT

Essex Business Machines does not exist and never did. There is no Reginald Pemberton. There is no Margaret in Accounts. There is no head office, no boardroom, no cafeteria, and definitely no bubble and squeak on Wednesdays.

The S/800 is built by one developer, in C with SDL2, because some software shouldn't have a price. The email address above is real. Everything else on this page is fabrication, affectionately offered.

Essex Business Machines accept no liability for Robotrons developed using this product.
Responsible coders code while listening to Supertramp.
Liberal use of GOTO is encouraged.